is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
