so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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