You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
