my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am mentally ready for anal.
He did a backflip because drugs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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