speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
