Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you didnt know i had herpes?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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