I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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