Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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