Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
