what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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