Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
