It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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