Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
