There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
