note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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