so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
