Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
