One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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