6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
