Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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