I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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