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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Beat you to it.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.

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• (631): View more from New York

  if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org

  (516): View more from New York

  .org?

  (631): View more from New York

  yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?

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