You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
