My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
