so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
