unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
