i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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