just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
