She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
