Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
