I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
