When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
