3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
