come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
