I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
