I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
