Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
