I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
