I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
