Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
