if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
