How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
