She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
