Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dick very happy bro
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
