It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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