It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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