i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How does one acquire holy water?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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