i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
