lets start a swedish sibling band together
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
