She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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