No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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