He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
