At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
