i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
