Betty ford says i'm here all night
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
