The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
