not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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